apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I still have a little drunk in my system
We need to feng shui this bitch.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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