babies were throwing up all over the place
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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