yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
