Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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