how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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