last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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