When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She made me pour olive oil on her.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
