Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
