Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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