I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
