I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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