she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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