Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
