I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
