Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
