The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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