listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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