I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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