just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I have aggressive nipples.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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