Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
