Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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