she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
