Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
