I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We are all done wearing pants today
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
