i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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