Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
