I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My balls are so social today.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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