Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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