I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
