where am i from again
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
