I am puke
is wine microwaveable?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i think i just lost a toe
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
