All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I can't put those talents on a resume
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
