One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
