Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
