No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
