Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
