Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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