I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
