This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
