Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
