we're blogging at a bar
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
In America we eat man semen.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
