Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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