last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
