the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
