It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
