i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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