i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
