In the future we'll all be gay
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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