sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
