and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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