Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
