We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize