She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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