there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
