Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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