my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm really busy with my period
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
