he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
