I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
