Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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