Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I am spending my child support on dildos
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
