My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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