No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
