Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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