I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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