Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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