You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
