The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
