In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
