I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
