Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
