I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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