the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
