also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
