I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
