he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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