and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
